About 2 years ago I finally got around to finish watching the MTV show Awkward and I wrote this blog post almost right after watching a particular episode.
I got to the episode where Jenna had sex with her new “boyfriend” Collin because she thought it was what she had to do to keep him. When she left his place and went home crying, part of me kind of understood why she was crying and the other part of me said that I wouldn’t cry if I was in her situation. It took me 2 days after seeing that episode to realize that I had been in Jenna’s position multiple times.
I was in a dark place with my depression and this guy I had dated, who was actually my first time, had just broken my heart so naturally I was drinking all the time and trying to “hoe it up.” I put myself in a bad situation and let this guy have sex with me because I thought it was something that I had to do because I had put myself in that situation and I didn’t want to make it worse.
Another time, I was dating this guy who wanted to have sex all the time. So we had sex every time we were alone together. I was going through another bad dark time and I just went along with it. I faked orgasm after orgasm. It was exhausting. I used to tell him no or that I wasn’t in the mood and to him that meant that I needed to be put in the mood.
I didn’t learn my lesson after all those times because yet again I let a man manipulate me into having sex just last year. Unlike the other men I’ve slept with in the past, he actually heard my no and listened to it one time. One time. That was more than the others though.
I’m was so used to being in Jenna’s situation that it didn’t phase me when she gave in and had sex with Collin just to keep him. I empathize with Jenna wholeheartedly because I have been in her shoes. Looking back on my life now, I wish there was someone who had told me that it is my right to say no because it is my body. If I didn’t feel like sharing my body like that then I had to speak up and make sure I was being understood. So for all of you out there who have been in that type of situation before, I’m sorry you didn’t have that person there for you to tell you how to say no and take control of your body. For those of you who haven’t been in that type of situation yet, let me be that person to tell you that it is YOUR body, YOU have control over it, YOU have the RIGHT to say NO. Sex is supposed to be pleasurable. It’s supposed to be fun and fully enjoyable. Don’t let pinheads and dark thoughts ruin what should be a fun experience.
Here’s my new mantra and hopefully yours: It’s MY body. I ALONE have CONTROL over it. I have the RIGHT to say NO.
Mental Health Warrior 